Hey, It’s OK!

“Sometimes, all we can do is not quit, play the hand we’ve been dealt and accessorize the outfit we’ve got.” – Carrie Bradshaw

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection.  Lots of introspectiveness (is that even a word?) going on at the Dream House.  I’ve been evaluating everything.  Friendships.  Relationships.  My career.  My goals.  My finances.  No area of my life was safe. Not one.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had an idea of what my life should be by now – what I should have accomplished, how I should be living and what I should be doing.  And what I’ve found is that I’ve spent most of my reflection reconciling where I thought I should be with where I actually am. But, more importantly, I’ve spent some time recognizing that it’s OK to be exactly where I am at this point in time.  Because, all things considered, for twenty-six, I’m not doing half bad.

The biggest thing I’m OK with is being single.  Now, I realize that to a lot of people it’s not a big deal. But, we have to put it into context for a minute.  If you would have asked me in September of 2007 what I’d be doing in September of 2009 I would have said planning a move and a wedding.  That was always the plan.  My plan.  His plan.  Our plan.  For as long as we were together that was the plan. It’s a tough thing to deal with when your plan is no longer the plan.  Especially when it falls apart quick, fast and in a hurry without warning.  Add that to the fact that my younger brother just tied the knot in June and I’m asked constantly by my piano students why I’m a grown-up but not married and it’s easy to see how I could so NOT be OK with being single.  But the reality is, I’m OK. I’m having fun and working on me.  I’m confident that the right person is out there.  And I’m pretty sure that God is molding him just like he’s molding me.  Which only means one thing.  When we do get together you better watch out . . . because the world will never be the same.

Here are a few other things I’m OK with . . .

. . . the fact that I don’t make $150K a year. Let’s face it, even when financial services was the Land of Milk and Honey – and Bonuses – I wasn’t making $150K a year.  And, while I am well aware that there are plenty of 20-year-olds out there who do make that kind of moolah, I’m OK with not being one of them.  I’ve got a decent salary plus a well-paying side hustle plus a side, side hustle.  I think I’m good.

. . . being a celebrity in my own head. I wouldn’t actually want the paps following me around all the time or my business the stuff that front page news is sometimes made of. But I can still play celebrity on sites like Twitter and Facebook where my adoring fans follow me and comment on my always witty and insightful status updates.  Plus, I have an excuse for refusing to wear sweats to run errands – I never know who will see me and want to take a picture!

. . . being obsessive compulsive competitive (OCC). Whatever . . . I’ll be that.  I’m not ashamed of my competitive nature.  It’s that inherent nature that drives me to be successful and the best.  It’s the reason I won’t let a piano student play a piece poorly in a piano recital – because I’m not putting my name on that.  It’s the reason I always obsessively review a project before submitting it to my boss.  It’s what makes me a hard-worker, a good colleague and NOT lazy.  In fact, I know a couple people who could stand to have a little OCC disorder themselves.

. . . caring what other people think. I was once told by a guy I was seeing (OK, it was Forrester) that I care too much about what other people think.  Sir, it is OK to care what people think about you with regards to things that matter.  Like, say, your character, work ethic and moral compass.  So yes, I care that people like me.  I care that they think that I’m dependable, committed, trustworthy and loyal.  And, I kind of care if they like my outfit too. Shut up. So do you.

. . . outgrowing some of my friends. Recently, I’ve found myself more annoyed than usual with some people and gravitating towards others whom I may not have in the past.  What I’ve realized is that it’s a natural progression.  Sometimes, you just can’t be as close to someone as you once were.  It happens.  It’s life.  And we move on from it.  But, what I’ve found is that the new people I’m becoming close to are amazing.  And I’m thankful for the opportunity to build a relationship with them.

. . . white after Labor Day. I’m just saying, if it’s still hot, wear it!

And three things I’m not OK with . . .

. . . people who have, like, 5000 friends on facebook.  Hate to break it to you, but they’re only friends in your head.

. . . those who talk a big game but can’t back it up. Don’t talk about it, be about it.

. . . people who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom. Ummm ewww.

So, guys, what are the things about yourselves that you’ve come to know and love?  And what things (about others, of course) can’t you stand?  Can’t wait to hear!

Signed,
This is the only time it’s OK to be OK Barbie

Fashion Don’ts Turned Do’s

I recently read a fellow blogger’s post about her Top 10 Fashion Don’ts.  And while some things are just plain inexcusable (#9 Wearing logos on your butt or #2 Crocs) there are some Don’ts that I think are Dos.

#10 Overdosing on Accessories
Why she says it’s a don’t: “Rings, a necklace, a bracelet, and earrings are overkill.”

Why I say it’s a do: Sometimes over accessorizing is intentional and looks really cool. Aside from the fact that it’s all the rage right now (hello layered necklaces, bangles up the wazoo, and stackable rings) it looks fantastic when done properly.  There is nothing wrong with wearing rings, a necklace, bracelets and earrings.  You just have to do it right.

Here’s how I do it:

Start with necklaces.  Everything else will have to balance off them.  One of my favorite things to do is pair different length pearl necklaces with a couple of cross necklaces of varying length.  Cool but still funky.  Because I have a lot of necklaces on, I usually go for a pearl stud earring.  Diamond or silver studs work – but nothing bigger than a small hoop as it’ll be too much going on from the bust-line up.  Next, pick out a couple rings.  If you wear a chunky ring on one hand (my fave with this combo is a pearl and rhinestone ring) then wear a sleek sliver ring or stackable rings on the other hand.  Finally add some bracelets.  I usually opt for a mixture of pearl and rhinestone bracelets.  It sounds like a lot but it works.  Check out the society pages for proof, when I did this very thing at the White Linen Affair.

#5 Showing Too Much Skin
Why she says it’s a don’t: “If you want to wear a mini dress and show off your great legs, then don’t wear a low cut or back baring top. Pick one thing to showcase.”

Why I say it’s a do: Generally, I agree that you should bear too much skin.  A low cut top baring your stomach is a bit much.  But, if done properly, I think it can work. One of my favorite examples is from a red carpet event.  Here’s how you can make the look your own.  Start with a pair of shorts.  They shouldn’t be too long, but don’t wear booty shorts either.  Mid-thigh should work perfectly.  Pair and cute (but slightly revealing or low cute) camisole with them.  Something with lace always looks good peeking through.  Then, grab a blazer and button it.  The blazer should come to your waist – so opt for shorter, not longer.  And, when you button it, you should have some of your cleavage showing but not look like a complete whore.  You are exposing two parts of your body – your breasts and your legs – and lots of skin but still keeping it classy.

#1 Wearing Clothes that you are not Comfortable In
Why she says it’s a don’t: “If you are not comfortable, everyone will notice.”

Why I say it’s a do: If you don’t try something that is out of your comfort zone, how can you ever expect to know if you look completely FAB in the latest trend or style?  I don’t condone wearing something that is too, tight or too revealing if you’re going to be tugging, covering and wiggling all day long.  What I do condone is wearing something that you normally wouldn’t pick out. For example, for a long time, I wouldn’t wear sleeveless clothing.  I’m not a fan of my arms.  But one day, I bit the bullet and just went for it.  And got compliments on my top.  I wasn’t comfortable with it at first, but eventually, it grew on me. Now, my wardrobe is equally arm bearing and arm covering.  As you can see above, I like to rock a completely sleeveless look from time to time, too!  The same goes for girls who aren’t fans of their legs.  Try a skirt – something easy, knee length or tea length.  I bet if you pair it with a fab pair of shoes, the compliments will come pouring in.  Sometimes you have to step out of your fashion comfort zone to come up with something truly fabulous!

So, readers, what is your favorite fashion don’t that’s really a do?  And what will always be a don’t in your book? Weigh in Below!

Signed,
Always a “Do” Barbie!

I recently read a fellow bloggers post about her Top 10 Fashion Don’ts. And while some things are just plain inexcusable (#9 Wearing logos on your butt or #2 Crocs) there are some Don’ts that I think are Dos.

#10 Overdosing on Accessories

Why she says it’s a don’t: “Rings, a necklace, a bracelet, and earrings are overkill.”

Why I say it’s a do: Sometimes over accessorizing is intentional and looks really cool. Aside from the fact that it’s all the rage right now (hello layered necklaces, bangles up the wazoo, and stackable rings) it looks fantastic when done properly. There is nothing wrong with wearing rings, a necklace, bracelets and earrings. You just have to do it right.

Here’s how I do it:

Start with necklaces. Everything else will have to balance off them. One of my favorite things to do is pair different length pearl necklaces with a couple of cross necklaces of varying length. Cool but still funky. Because I have a lot of necklaces on, I usually go for a pearl stud earring. Diamond or silver studs work – but nothing bigger than a small hoop as it’ll be too much going on from the bust-line up. Next, pick out a couple rings. If you wear a chunky ring on one hand (my fave with this combo is a pearl and rhinestone ring) then wear a sleek sliver ring or stackable rings on the other hand. Finally add some bracelets. I usually opt for a mixture of pearl and rhinestone bracelets. It sounds like a lot but it works. Check out the society pages for proof, when I did this very thing at the White Linen Affair.

#5 Showing Too Much Skin

Why she says it’s a don’t: “If you want to wear a mini dress and show off your great legs, then don’t wear a low cut or back baring top. Pick one thing to showcase.”

Why I say it’s a do: Generally, I agree that you should bear too much skin. A low cut top baring your stomach is a bit much. But, if done properly, I think it can work. One of my favorite examples is from a red carpet event. Here’s how you can make the look your own. Start with a pair of shorts. They shouldn’t be too long, but don’t wear booty shorts either. Mid-thigh should work perfectly. Pair and cute (but slightly revealing or low cute) camisole with them. Something with lace always looks good peeking through. Then, grab a blazer and button it. The blazer should come to your waist – so opt for shorter, not longer. And, when you button it, you should have some of your cleavage showing but not look like a complete whore. You are exposing two parts of your body – your breasts and your legs – and lots of skin but still keeping it classy.

#1 Wearing Clothes that you are not Comfortable In

Why she says it’s a don’t: “If you are not comfortable, everyone will notice.”

Why I say it’s a do: If you don’t try something that is out of your comfort zone, how can you ever expect to know if you look completely FAB in the latest trend or style? I don’t condone wearing something that is too, tight or too revealing if you’re going to be tugging, covering and wiggling all day long. What I do condone is wearing something that you normally wouldn’t pick out. For example, for a long time, I wouldn’t wear sleeveless clothing. I’m not a fan of my arms. But one day, I bit the bullet and just went for it. And got compliments on my top. I wasn’t comfortable with it at first, but eventually, it grew on me. The same goes for girls who aren’t fans of their legs. Try a skirt – something easy, knee length or tea length. I bet if you pair it with a fab pair of shoes, the compliments will come pouring in. Sometimes you have to step out of your fashion comfort zone to come up with something truly fabulous!

So, readers, what is your favorite fashion don’t that’s really a do? And what will always be a don’t in your book?

Weigh in Below!

Signed,

Always a “Do” Barbie!

Guilty as Charged

I recently had a conversation with a friend about guilty pleasures and weird little quirks that make us, well, us.  We have a lot. Some of them are pretty standard – like finding every opportunity to quote Real Housewives of Atlanta (me, you trashy hooker!), spending time reading the status updates on facebook of people you aren’t all that interested in (him), or staying up until the wee hours of the morning watching “Golden Girls” reruns (both of us).  And some, so he says, are just plain weird.

Now I know that this seems to come completely from left field.  But I argue that you can tell a lot about your potential compatibility with a mate based on some of your guilty pleasures.  I venture to say that, if a guy can’t put up with some of your guilty pleasures (and vice versa) you two will never be a match. Everybody has their quirks – and I’m on a quest to find the person whose combination of quirks I can deal with . . . and who can deal with mine.

So, I’m bringing my guilty pleasures to you guys and some dating lessons that I’ve learned through sharing them (intentionally and unintentionally) with the loves of my lives and the guys that I’ve dated.  Am I guilty as charged?  You guys be the judge.

Guilty Pleasure #1: “Of Loves”
You got it . . . “Flavor of Love,” “I Love New York,” “Real Chance of Love.”  I can’t help it.  I realize that it’s coonery and foolishness at its very finest, and that they set black people back like a hundred thousand trillion years.  But it’s just so entertaining.  New York spitting in ole’ girl’s face!  Co-Me-Dy!  Buddha’s daily beat down and verbal assault on Tailor Made.  Priceless.  I know, I know.  Some of you guys are really disappointed with me.  You can’t believe I watch that trash.  I’m sorry.  That’s why it’s called a guilty pleasure.  Emphasis on guilty.  With a capital “g.”

Dating Lesson Learned: You can’t take life so seriously all the time.  Yes I’m on my grizzly and KNOW how to make things happen.  But I like to have fun.  If you can’t see the foolishness for what it is, you aren’t the guy for me.

Guilty Pleasure #2: Frat Boys
I don’t mean frat boys who are members of historically black fraternities (hey Esquire!).  I love them too – don’t get me wrong – my friends are well aware that I’m a sucker for a man of a certain fraternity.  But in this case I’m talking about beer pong playing, flip cup champion, keg stand doing frat boys. Can’t help it.  I love them.  I love meeting them, spending time with them, drinking with them (how do you think I perfected my Irish Car Bomb technique) and actually getting to know them.  They are seriously fascinating.  And I don’t mean because they can drink beer upside-down.  I mean because they are smart, funny, well-read, well-traveled and generally good people.

Dating Lesson Learned: I have a variety and diversity of friends.  As my man you should be able to, at a minimum, be cordial with most of them, no matter how different your life experiences may be.  As your girl, I would do nothing less.

Guilty Pleasure #3: Loving my parents a little bit more when they’re 5 hours away
OK, don’t get me wrong.  I lurve, lurve, lurve my parents. With all of my heart.  And all of my soul.  I do.  You can ask anybody.  I think they’re amazing.  But you know when I think they’re more amazing?  When I have to make a phone call in order to reach them and they have to make a plan to come visit me.  Here’s why.  I’ve been living away from home for almost nine years and have owned my own place for more than three years.  So it’s tough to have a parent come stay and crash for an extended amount of time.  I have my own routine and schedule and visitors who stay for more than a few days can really mess that up. Now of course, as my parents, they’re always welcome.  But, I’m used to doing me – however I damn well please. There is a reason that we live 5 hours apart.

Dating Lesson Learned: I don’t live with Momma and Daddy and neither should you.

Guilty Pleasure #4: Lil Bow Wow
Granted, there may not be a dating lesson in here, but I’ll try.  I just like Lil Bow Wow . . . well, I guess Bow Wow now, lol.  I can’t help but smile when “Jump Off (Hey Baby)” or “You Can Get it All” makes its way into my iTunes rotation. And, yes, I still do the Harlem Shake whenever I hear the words “Lil Bow Wow, you just don’t know / the way you move so fast across the floor.”

Dating Lesson Learned: None. I’m just silly.  Sometimes I like to be silly.  And sometimes I like to dance it out.  So, be silly with me and dance it out.  Or shut the door and let me handle my business. OK.  I suppose there was a dating lesson in there.

Guilty Pleasure #5: Bcc’ing and Forwarding / Posting Snarky Facebook and Twitter Statuses
Petty, I know. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of one of my snark infused e-mails or facebook messages, there is a strong possibility that the e-mail was BCC’d or the Facebook message was forwarded to my other snarkalicious friends.  Don’t believe me?  Check the post about Stoopid Boys. That message made its way to the interweb.  Do you really want to test me? Usually I just send the message to my friends because I’m proud of the way that I combined sheer wit, genius and snark into one biting e-mail.  And normally, aside from the fact that it might make the receiver feel a little silly (ok, dumb), it’s harmless.  It just gives us a good giggle.  But there is a rare occasion where somebody has show their behind and I felt the urge to pass it along to my friends with a note that says “can you believe this fool?” And then, that’s when hell breaks loose. And it’s not very pleasant at all.  It definitely happens (ask Forrester).  And I let my friends in on the action.  It’s more fun for everyone to see you get cussed out.

Dating Lesson Learned: Don’t dish it if you can’t take it. Period. Dot.  I can dish it.  So I need a man who can take it and dish it right back.  So if you have a slick mouth but get your feelings hurt easily you need not apply.  Or, I can just fire you (ask Forrester).  And for the record – I’ve got thick skin, so I can take it.

So – my dear readers – what do you think?  Are my guilty pleasures all that bad? Should I maybe give up one or two if I find a man who can deal with the other 3?  I should probably stop bcc’ing my snarky messages, huh? I could totally get busted.  And what are your guilty pleasures? I know you have some.  Share below.  I won’t tell.

Signed,
Guilty Until Proven Innocent Barbie

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Mercy, Mercy, Mercy

“Don’t want to give into you so easily / But I can’t even fight it; you make me so weak / and I can’t understand what you’re doing to me / but I like it / I like it.” – Cassie, “Must Be Love”

I think I may have mentioned, in passing, my penchant for Sagittarians.  I don’t love the fact that I’m so into them.  In fact, everything about the pairing of a Pisces and Sagittarius spells disaster.

“The attraction is undeniable and the potential seems amazing at first.  Some basic differences, if not settled in time, can lead to disastrous results, even though the chemistry between the two is great.”

Yet, through my entire life I’ve been surrounded by them.  Not casually.  Actively.  Dating them.  Loving them.  Maintaining life long friendships.  Let’s run down the list, shall we?

Sistagirlfriend? Sag.  B Rocka’s Momma? Sag. SPECial Little Brother? Sag. My oldest godchild, High School Sweetheart, Ken/Voldy? Sag, Sag, Sag! Hell, even the Womanizer, who is technically a Scorpio, falls on the cusp of the Sagittarius/Scorpio line.  It is clear that I’m attracted to Sagattarians in the same manner that I’m attracted basketball players. Which just isn’t good.  I think I need rehab.

Now, let’s take female Sagittarians out of the equation because as long as we don’t live together, I don’t have beef.  B Rocka’s Momma and I have been friends for 10 years (Jebus, 10 years!  We’re old!).  And Sistergirlfriend is just that a sister/girlfriend.  She even asked me to be a godmother of her child.  So – I don’t have anTy beef at all with the ladies.

And actually, I don’t have any beef with the fellas. That’s the problem.  See, the thing about a Pisces/Sagittarius hook up is that the chemistry is there.  Like if you add water to an oil fire, the fire spreads. And that is not unlike the initial chemistry between a Pisces (water) and a Sagittarius (fire).  It ignites and spreads like wildfire, fast and furious.  And I like that. The intensity.  The chemistry.  The flirting.  The deep eye contact.  I live for that. And, even though things can get spicy at times, it’s OK because it’s all in good fun.  Usually.  At first.

In fact, I’m finding myself secretly crushing on a particular Sagittarius these days.  And, frankly I don’t want to be. Let’s ignore his hard headed nature for one moment (because that’s not really the reason that I don’t want him as the object of my affection) and focus on the facts.  He is smart, funny, and attractive; plus he has a college degree, a good job and no kids.  I know what you’re thinking.  “But Barbie, why wouldn’t you be attracted to a guy like this?”

Because he’s a Sagittarius and we know how the story goes.

It doesn’t work. Eventually the water puts the fire out.  Or the fire spreads much further and faster to escape the water.  Black Tuesday anyone?

So, I find myself spending time trying to force myself not to like him.

Except – it’s not exactly working.  It hasn’t worked for months.  Even with distractions (Chef, Forrester) I’m not successful.

And like Forrest Gump, “that’s all I got to say about that.”

“I don’t know what this is / Cause you got me good / Just like you knew you would / I don’t know what you do / but you do it well / I’m under your spell.” – Duffy, “Mercy”

Signed,
He’s Got Me Beggin’ for Mercy Barbie

Revenge Can Be So Sweet

“Living well is the best revenge.”

After reading an article on CNN, “10 Legal Ways to Punish a Cheater” I became inspired to write my own “10 Ways” post.  No – it’s not 10 more ways to punish a cheater – because as far as I know Ken/Voldy never cheated. Besides, over a year later, I’m pretty sure he’s not worried about me . . . or at least as worried about me as I am about him – which isn’t much.

So, I think we should talk about the 10 ways you know (and show) you’re over him.

10 Ways You Know (and Show) You’re Over Him

1. You start acting like your old self again. This may take some time; it certainly won’t happen overnight.  And, after a break-up you’re well within your rights, as a lover scorned, to go into full-on “we just broke up mode” (for me, that meant losing 13 lbs in as many days).  But, at a certain point you’ll start to feel better – and you’ll be back to your old self eventually.  I knew that day came when my former boss complimented me on an outfit in the office. His exact words were, “It’s good to see you looking like your old self again.  Nice dress.”
2. You find yourself with a crush.  Not a rebound.  A crush. A legitmate crush.  Someone who makes you all giggly and silly.  Like grade school.  On someone who isn’t your ex.
3. You don’t wince whenever you hear his name, oops up on a picture on facebook or get asked “where’s [insert ex’s name here]?”  Admittedly, this will take some time.  I used to cringe, grimace or make a face like somebody punched me whenever the name Voldy came up. Even if we weren’t talking about THE Voldy.  But eventually, it wore off.  And, save for a sporadic relapse every now and then I’m fine.  In fact, I can even say his name.
4. You start to do the stuff you two did together on your own. For me, that meant watching Kobe Bryant and the LA Lakers.  I know, that sounds incredibly stoopid.  But, for a while, everything LA Lakers brought memories of Voldy flooding back to my mind.  About the time we watched the game and he almost broke my coffee table when Kobe made the last second shot.  Or the time we took shots everytime one of the announcers said “boo-yah!”  Then, somebody reminded me that I was a Kobe/Lakers fan long before Voldy (they’ve got the year book I signed Barbie Bryant in 1999 to prove it) and I’ll be one long after.
5. You start dating again. I had a few false starts, but I think now, I’m getting the hang of it.
6. You don’t put up with losers because you’re scared you won’t find anyone better. This piggy backs off the previous post.  You can start dating again – but if you aren’t quite over the last relationship, you might put up with stuff that normally wouldn’t fly.  I know for a fact that that’s why I put up with one particular joker way longer than I should have.  But now, I know what I like and what I don’t like.  And what I can (and can’t) tolerate. And, I’m not willing to put up with it.  Far too many men out there with something going for themselves to deal with bitchassness.
7. You can talk about the relationship without getting emotional. I realized this when someone I was seeing and I had THE (inevitable) conversation about our past relationships.  I listened to him talk about his ex and it had more curse words than a movie with Samuel Jackson stuck on a plane chasing sharks in the 70’s.  If you can’t tell me about her and what happened without still getting upset – you ain’t over that ish. And I don’t have time for it.
8. You can go somewhere alone without caring. Single or coupled, most women probably fear doing anything alone.  I know I did.  And I don’t even mean big stuff, like, say, going to a black-tie formal wedding on Valentine’s Day (mortifying – I KNOW!). I mean little things – like going to lunch in a restaurant.  Or checking out a movie you’ve been dying to see.  But, if you’re single for more than 3 seconds, there is going to be a point when you really should try doing something alone.  I tried lunch alone.  I brought along a book and went to a restaurant.  And I survived.  And got to flirt with the cutie who was serving the table next to me.
9. You’re smiling. Now, some people smile all the time, regardless of the situation.  And, I pride myself on being one of those people.  I tend to realize that it could always be worse.  But when Voldy crushed my heart, I felt like he crushed my spirit.  And, I just wasn’t pleasant (to look at or be around) towards anyone.  For a few weeks (possibly months) I had permanent frown on my face.  Until one day, it got old.  And I started smiling.  And a guy in a shoe store told me I had a beautiful smile.  And then, I remembered why I smile so much to begin with.
10. You wish him well and you mean it. Enough said.  You’ve reached Nirvana. Congratulations!

And 4 Ways to Know (and Show) You Aren’t Quite There Yet

1. You send his picture down to New Orleans so that you can have a life-like voodoo doll made of him.  Then you throw a party where you and your friends take turns doing really mean things to the doll.
2. You give the doll to your dog as a chew toy.
3. You call his new girlfriend’s phone, pretending to be a doctor, and ask her to have him call you back because the results of his STD tests are in and the prognosis isn’t good.
4. You kick the tires whenever you walk past a Mustang GT (we all have our demons).

So – how do you guys know if you’re over him (or her)?  And, what have you don’t that clearly show’s you aren’t?  Can’t wait to hear below!

Signed,
Working my way to Nirvana Barbie

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So Yesterday

“If it’s over, let it go and / Come tomorrow it will seem / So yesterday, so yesterday / I’m just a bird that’s already flown away.” – Hilary Duff, “So Yesterday”

OK.  So I realize that I’ve been going kind of hard on the opposite, less-fair sex lately. Well, today is my last time.  I’ll be nice after this.  Hopefully.  Probably.  Maybe.  I’ll try.

A little while back I waxed poetic about a guy I was seeing, Forrester.  I probably should have known it wasn’t going to work out.  There were warning signs. I’m going to refrain from posting what they were; but, let’s just say if we were analyzing the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Dating Needs he only covered one of the three basic dating needs – has a job, doesn’t hit me, no crazy baby momma knocking down his door.  I’ll let your imagination go from there.  Plus, he would annoy me to no end at times.

But still, I’m hard headed so I entertained him far longer than I should have. As of Tuesday we established that I was no longer interested.  And as of yesterday we (well, I, established) that we can’t even be friends. Side note: Sending me snarky facebook messages is not cute. You aren’t a 12-year-old girl, so don’t do it.  And if you can’t take it when I write something far snarkier back, then don’t dish it.  If you can’t stand the heat then get out the mother effin’ kitchen (and I promise that next time I will publish your message and my response . . . so don’t test me).  Much better!

So here’s my beef with Forrester – he’s a grown ass man that acts like a child. And yes, everybody has their moments.  My friends and I certainly get silly and giggly more often than not.  And there was even a situation involving a certain Juvie that transpired exactly how it would have 10 years earlier when we were all in the 10th (and 7th) grade.  So yes, I get it, it doesn’t have to be all business all the time.  But, it does have to be all business some of the time. Especially as an adult.  Especially in your thirties.  Especially when there is a child involved (oops – I think I gave one away).

And, I’m not exactly sure what bothers me more:
1. The fact that he is immature and childish because calling me at 2:45 am, declaring that I “wake [my] ass up” and not understanding why that is rude definitely qualifies as both immature and childish,
2. The fact that he seems to lack drive, passion and desire, or
3. The fact that he was OK with all of the above.

At 30+ (with a child, at that) it is high time you grow up, take some responsibility and be a man.  Men always complain about how women think they can do everything and have to run ish all the time.  Well, it’s hard not to think like that when there are men like Forrester running around being perfectly OK with sitting at home (on your mother’s couch no less!), eating Bon Bons, watching Oprah.  I understand that in this environment people get laid off and let go – but at a certain point you have to be back out there grinding looking for your next gig.  I know PLENTY of good men who were laid off in this environment, were on their grind each and every day (some for over a year) and still managed to take care of a household and their families. I’m talking about paying a mortgage, tuition, etc.  It’s time that you, Forrester, step up to the plate (oops – looks like I spilled more beans about Maslow).

And furthermore, you should have some goals.  I get that people don’t have their lives figured out.  I certainly don’t have mine figured out. But I do have goals that I’m striving to achieve.  I have things that I want to accomplish. And, it’s what keeps me moving forward.  And if you lack goals, desires or things that you’re passionate about, what is it, exactly, that keeps you moving?  Right.  You aren’t moving. You’re stagnant.  Or going backwards.  Neither of which is a desirable direction.

And, let’s be real.  I’m not a stagnant/backwards girl so the last thing I want is a stagnant/backwards guy.

No ifs, ands or buts about it.

There are just entirely too many forward-moving, good men out in the world.  Men who are doing things and making moves and continually striving to do better.  Yup, too many.  I’ve dated some.  I’ve loved some. I’ve missed my chance with some.  I was raised by one.

So ladies (and fellas, although, I’m kind of nervous about what you might say) – what do you think?  Have I been too hard on the fellas lately? Did I do the right thing about Forrester?  How can I stop attracting these fools that don’t have anything but want what I got?  And, do you have a single, forward-moving, good man who is looking for a date? Cuz I’m available.  I’ve still got 5 to go in this 9 in ’09 challenge (Sigh).  I’m just saying . . .

Signed,
OK, this is my last rant (maybe), Barbie

Retail Therapy

I indulged in a little retail therapy to help get over the stoopid boys in my life.  Check out my latest examiner post here!

And while you’re there, why don’t you just subscribe?  This way, I don’t have to keep telling you on here when I’ve updated.  You’ll already be in the know.

How fab!