Three Ring Circus

“If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.” – Beyonce, “Single Ladies”

In the biggest single girl anthem of the 21st century, and maybe all time, Beyonce tells men everywhere that if they liked it so much then they should have put a ring on it.  And while yes, I find myself highly annoyed with the men in my life who have left only to come back and tell me how much they loved me and should have put a ring on it (and unfortch, it has happened more often than I care to share); I find myself more annoyed with there are men who liked it, put a ring on it and REFUSE to wear said ring.

As a single girl, my radar is always on.  And, I’m trained to hone in on the left ring finger almost immediately.  I check out that finger before I will even make eye contact with a guy, let alone talk to him or send out my best “it’s OK to approach me” vibes.  It’s what we do.  We look for a ring.  Or a tan line – which means you either have a ring you are supposed to wear or you used to have a ring you were supposed to wear.  Regardless, there is a commitment.  But, what is a single girl supposed to do when a man doesn’t have a ring (or tan line) on it?

Conventional wisdom tells us single gals that a wedding band means a guy is taken.  After all, it is hard enough to navigate the single man waters as it is.  There are the single guys who are actually single and looking.  The single guys who are single and aren’t looking.  The single guys who are in a committed relationship and are only single in terms of the US census or tax forms.  There are the single guys who are in relationships but are still dogs (see here).  I mean you get the point.  It is complicated enough trying to navigate the single man landscape.  And then here come these married men who don’t wear their rings to muddy the waters.  Like, when did it become OK NOT to wear a wedding band?

Look, my beef isn’t even with the fact that you aren’t exactly expressing your commitment to your wife.  That is between you and her.  My beef is with the fact that in a world where women have outnumbered men since damn near the beginning of time, all the single (black) ladies are apparently fighting over the same pool of qualified man-prospects (another post for another day), it’s hard out there for a pimp and my ovaries are a ticking time bomb about to explode in my face – YOU are out here wasting my time!  Look, I’ve got three years worth of blog posts about fools that were wasting my time.  Legitimately single fools wasting my time.  But now, I’m wasting my time with married folk as well.  This can’t be life.

For example, just a couple of weeks ago I encountered a fine specimen of man.  I mean handsome, smart, funny.  Of course, I wanted to know more about him.  And, after confirming there was indeed no ring on that finger my friends and I commenced the investigation (what?  I mean, really, that’s what it was).  Turns out, through casual conversation another friend goes “oh, he’s married with three kids, didn’t you know?”  Ummm no.  I didn’t.  Why?  Because he doesn’t wear his wedding ring!  Now I’ve wasted my time (and my friends’ time) hunting down info on a man who isn’t even on the market.  We could have been stalking  inquiring about someone else all together if we’d just known from jump he wasn’t single. 

Look.  I love love.  I love marriage.  And I respect marriage.  And I’d appreciate it if the guys out there respected it as much as I do and wore a freaking wedding ring.  I think I speak for all single girls (well, most; I know some of them enjoy the married man thing) when I implore – yes, implore – you to wear your wedding band.  Or tattoo of a ring on your finger or “I’m married” on your forehead.  Hell, I don’t care if you have a shirt that says “I’m with stupid” and an arrow pointing to your wife.  I just want to know that, hey, you have a wife.

Is that too much to ask? 

So, single girls, have you encountered this epidemic (pandemic? I don’t really know the difference)?  How do you navigate through the single/married guy with no ring waters?  When did it become OK to just not wear your ring?  You know the deal.  Leave your message at the beep.

Signed,
Hoping He’ll Put a Ring on It (One Day) Barbie

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~ by countryclubbarbie on May 19, 2011.