The Romance Factor

“They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.”  – Oscar Wilde

A while back D-Magic waxed poetic about the benefits of having a, well, friend with benefits.  She surmised (and rightfully so) that there are all sorts of benefits to that relationship.  Including getting to test drive the new, hot lingerie you purchased, getting to experiment in the bedroom (or kitchen or wherever) and upping your experience without actually upping your numbers.  All of which are benefits I should be highly lauded.  However, at the end of the post, when she discusses her own experience, she attributes the downfall of her relationship with her FWB to the fact that they started  “doing things other than [shucking oysters].”

But what is appropriate when you’re doing more than shucking oysters but not in a serious relationship?  Specifically, in my case, in the romance department.  How romantic is too romantic?  Are you allowed to be romantic with someone you aren’t exclusively dating?  How, exactly, does this work?

As you guys know, I’ve been casually (more than casually?  I’m not sure how to classify this relationship) dating someone for a few months.  I’ll let you take a wild, blind-folded, dizzy stab in the dark as to who I might be referring to.  I was chatting with D-Magic and mentioned possible upcoming date plans with him.  He and I are a bit partied out and decided we wanted to make it a date day/night in.  Something really low key and casual.  Afternoon movie and then making dinner and dessert together (and by “together” that means ”me cooking for him”) – just spending time together really.  I mentioned to her that I wanted to have an inside picnic – mostly as an excuse NOT to clean off my kitchen table which serves as my catch-all for everything.  Her reaction?  “A picnic in your home sounds really cute (and also really romantic).” 

And, while I hardly think a picnic amongst Teddy Ruxpin (yes I have one), Thomas the Tank Engine (I hope Thomas dies!) and more ABC blocks than I know what do with is romantic, she did have a valid point.  The last time I had an indoor, or outdoor, picnic was with Voldy.  And it was decidedly romantic.  And, I suppose, I wanted this evening to be equally romantic.  I am not trying to earn brownie points with the boy.  Or persuade him to wife me up.  But, if we’re dating and I like him, I think we can have a romantic evening together.  We have our fair share of fun and silly evenings.  And playful and cuddlly (which can sometimes be confusing) evenings.  We’ve taken a weekend trip together.  And I would, without a doubt, classify some of our dates as romantic.  So why am I feeling funny about the romance level of this particular date night?

When I’m casually dating someone, I should be able to be romantic, right?  I mean, just like with my FWBs (if I had any at the time) I can bone up (no pun intended) on my bedroom skills, shouldn’t I bone up on our romance skills?  What better way to get the romance factor just right than to do it with someone I like and care about?  Even if we aren’t in a committed relationship.  No, I don’t have a boyfriend; but I’d like to know when I do that I do, I’ll be able to do romantic things with and for him. 

But I have concerns too.  What if this further blurs the already very blurry lines of our relationship?  What if he leaves date night wanting more out of this relationship.  Or, much more likely, what if I do?  When does romance turn into intimacy?  Do the two ever separate?  And, haven’t he and I crossed that intimacy line already?  The bottom line is that I like him.  I like doing things both with him and for him.  Some of those things are clearly friend-like and some of those things are clearly romantic.  Regardless, I like spending time with him and laughing with him.  And having intimate and romantic evenings with him.  I just like being around him (until I don’t). 

But all of this begs the question, how romantic is too romantic for a non-committed relationship?  Should we even be romantic at all?

Weigh in below!

Signed,
Hopelessly Romantic Barbie

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~ by countryclubbarbie on May 3, 2011.