I’m Doing Me

“I’m doin’ me, this time around/I’m doin me, I’ve finally found/I’d rather be by myself, I’m doin’ me.” - Fantasia, “I’m Doing Me”

Side Note: OK before I even get started, this is not one of those “Rah rah, no scrubs, independent woman, I don’t need no man, I got my own” rants.  While I don’t want a scrub and I do have my own, I also DO want a man.  So, before all my male readers roll their eyes and close the page, stick with me for a minute. 

I love Lil Tree and hate him all that the same time.  He is one of the few people in my life who keeps it one hundred all. the. time.  He’s one of the few people who isn’t scared to tell me the truth, even when I’m not going to like it.  He doesn’t deliver the message in a soft tone thinking it’s going to sound nicer.  He doesn’t say what I want to hear just because he knows I want to hear it.  And, frankly, he doesn’t care if I stop talking to him for a couple days because he just told me about myself.  He’s tough as nails and has thick skin when it comes to our relationship.  Which I need.  Because a lot of my friends (yes, even the close ones) will tell me what I want to hear because it’s just easier that way.  Not healthier, but easier (thanks guys, lol). 

Right now – I’m kind of hating Lil Tree (not really though).  Usually, I just hate him when he’s right.  When he’s spot on about my love life, my job situation or whatever else is going on.  Right now, he’s giving me hell about my dating life.  The problem is he knows me – almost too well.  Well, not almost too well, just straight up too well.  So he knows and understands my increased frustration as my status as a single gal (especially as Valentine’s Day approaches – ick).  And, while he understands that I’m frustrated (whether or not rightfully so is debatable) he is frustrated with my dating choices, as of late.  Specifically, Mr. Officer. 

When I told him I was giving Mr. Officer one last shot he told me it was dumb.  And when I told him I was over it he pretty much hit me with an “it’s about time.”  And, no matter how much I tried to convince him that Mr. Officer was for recess and playtime only, he wasn’t buying it.  Probably because he knows me.  His theory?  The only reason that I was keeping Mr. Officer around (or putting up with his ridiculousness) was because I was tired of being alone.  And, for me, being with someone (regardless of his wackness) was better than being with no one.  And, even though I wanted to kick him, he was partly right.  While I did want Mr. Officer around for fun and shenanigans, I also kept him around with his ridiculousness for far too long because I liked having someone to go out with.  Damn you Tree.

That conversation with Lil Tree was followed by another conversation just hours later with one of my “aunties” from my church at home.  She basically asked why I’m sweating someone so CLEARLY wrong (for me).  She reminded me that it is not in the Barbie she knows nature to sweat a dude – well not that type of dude anyway.  Anytime I’ve ever been in a meaningful relationship it happened when I was “doing me” and NOT looking for a man.  That is most certainly the case for my HS Sweetheart, Denny and Voldy (side note: did ya’ll notice how I’ve just completely stopped calling him Ken?).  And, there is a lot of me I need to be doing.  She also reminded me that I’ve got one hell of an “Eleven in ’11″ list to get through and some other goals that aren’t even on there and that I should get back to focusing on the stuff that is going to enrich my life with or without a man.  So true!

So why not just step back and focus on me for a while?  Just go ahead and focus on my goals (getting through this Eleven in ’11 would be a start), my plans (like deciding if I’m really going to move to the city for starters) and doing what makes me happy.  I have a lot of great stuff going for me.  And, truthfully, I would rather be by myself then in a relationSHIT (which is exactly what my relationSHIP with Mr. Officer was turning into). 

So, as you guys as my witnesses, I’m going back to doing me for a while.  And, while that certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to stop dating (I may or may not be seeing someone new – Cute boy? Fun date? Don’t mind if I do!) it DOES mean that I’m going to stop trying so hard.  I’m going to focus on my 3 Day training.  And spending time with my friends (like the ones who are moving all the way to the left coast) and family (because really, my niece and nephew are growing up way too fast!).  I’m going to concentrate on gaining Rock Star status at work.  And a house that I need to finish fixing up (starting with a new stove, lol).  I’ve got places to go, people to see and things to do.  And, I refuse to wait for the right guy to come along before I “get to gettin’.”

Oh, and if you guys find me falling into a relationSHIT (more on those in another post), feel free to call me out about it.  Actually, you should probably just tell Lil Tree – I’d hate to have to stop speaking to you.

Signed,
I’m Doing Me Barbie

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~ by countryclubbarbie on February 2, 2011.