It’s Called a Break-Up . . .
. . . Because It’s Broken
“Sometimes love comes around / It knocks you down / Just get back up when it knocks you down.” – Keri Hilson, “Knocks You Down”
Per usual, I was engaged in a gabfest with one of my girlfriends. The conversation always, inevitably, turns to men. It always does. We can’t help it. Hmph.
Anyway, this particular conversation was about how long it takes to get over someone after you’ve broken up. I have a friend who has been broken up with one particular ex for years. We’re talking five plus here. Long enough – in my opinion – to be over someone. Except, she seems to be the exact opposite of over him. I never hear anything nice about the time they spent together. I never hear her refer to their courtship in a positive way. In fact, I’m pretty sure she wishes he were dead. I know the guy. He was nice then. He’s nice now. In fact, he reads my blog. So, if you’re reading this – yeah, I’m talking about you. And you’re fine by me.
Now, my issue is not with being upset over a break-up. Hell. I started an entire blog from my break-up with Voldy. I get it. We all break-up. But that’s just it. We all break-up.
I’ll say it again. We. All. Break. Up.
Even the homie over on Honey Blog agrees. And, since we all break-up at a certain point you have got to get over it. I don’t agree with everything the homie at Honey Blog says. But, I do agree that most of our relationships end in failure. It’s not any fault of ours. We didn’t (for the most part) do anything wrong. It’s just the way the cards fall. The odds are stacked against us. The house always wins. That’s the way love goes.
Think about it. Your relationships end until you meet the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I won’t say that you’re a failure – because you’re not. None of us are. But, in the game of love, none of us will bat 1000. Our free throw percentage will never be 90%. We’ll always have a losing record (unless you marry the first person you were ever in a relationship with – but really, how many of us will that happen to?).
I assert that if you can accept that and move on from the break-up it’ll make you much more resilient in the game of love. I’m not saying (like the Honey Blog homie) that you should go into a relationship expecting failure. But, what I am saying is that you shouldn’t keep beating yourself (or the breaker-upper) up over a break-up. And you shouldn’t continue to hate your ex two, three, four or five years later. Aside from the fact that it’s not healthy, it just hinders you in love.
I’m not saying that break-ups don’t completely suck. I’m not saying they don’t hurt. And I’m not saying that it doesn’t take time to get over them. Trust me – I KNOW. But, what I am saying is that the next time you go on a date, meet an incredible guy on the metro (before you realize he’s a psycho stalker) or find yourself fantasizing that your co-worker could be the one (I’m talking to you CCB, er me), cut yourself a little slack. Let things fall as they may.
As Denny used to say, “just fall back.” It’s a much less stressful approach to dating and love.
Let’s face it, break-ups suck. But they’re not the end all, be all. If break-ups felt good they’d be called something fun – like sex! And, despite how bad a break-up feels, we are not designed to dwell on that pain forever. We just aren’t. I don’t think what ever higher power you choose to believe in would want it that way. So, buck up my friends. Acknowledge the pain and the hurt. And then move on from it. Grow from it. And open yourself up to someone new. And, hey, he (or she) just might be your home run.
But, if they aren’t . . . don’t beat yourself up about it. Break-ups happen.
So, what do you guys think? Am I’m being too hard on my friend? Am I too nonchalant in my theory on break-ups? Is this just a way for me to mask the deeply rooted pain from my break-up with Voldy? Or do you agree that we should accept relationships and break-ups for what they are and keep it moving?
Weigh in below.
Signed,
It Might be Broken but I’m Not Barbie
I’m going to go ahead and co-sign on this about 150%, because, while I dont think I’m the one you’re talking about in the beginning of the post when you mentioned the conversation that was held with a friend, I’m pretty sure we’ve had a similar conversation – and pretty sure I agreed then. And since I’m no flake, I will continue to agree LOL
no, but really 1) thanks for the ping back [heeeeeyyyyyy!] and 2) I think understanding that break-ups do happen and that while it may seem like your world is going to end when it initially happens, knowing that life keeps on going – is a very good way of thinking. Now granted, we all have our own timing schedules for when we can get over the break-up. I got over some of mine by the end of the day and some you could argue are still fresh (even though I’m working on it and can def point out good times between me and those folks – yay me!), but eventually you have to just let go.
Because if you don’t (caution: about to get spiritual here!), and you believe like I believe that God won’t send you the person you’re supposed to be with until you’re ready, all you’re doing is prolonging your pain.
Also: If break-ups felt good they’d be called something fun – like sex! – if there was a like button, like on facebook, I would like that statement LOL
dbaham said this on October 1, 2009 at 3:51 pm |
For you – I made it my status! Like away!!!!
countryclubbarbie said this on October 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm |