Cools Don’t Hang with Lames: A Necessary Rant

“If you ain’t first, you’re last.” – Ricky Bobby, “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”

I’m a competitive person. I hate losing. I’m generally not a sore loser (unless money or Yahtzee is involved) but I hate losing. OK – maybe I pout a little. I like to be the best. I like to have a 100% A, not a 95% A on my tests. I like to have the best clothes, the best hair, the best friends (yes, my friends are better than your friends), the best everything. You know that song “anything you can do I can do better?” It’s like a soundtrack running through my mind some days. I.   Like.   To.   Win. Period. Dot.

It’s not that I like beating other people (although I do enjoy giving a good butt whopping every now and then). It’s more that I enjoy the feeling I get knowing that I’ve done my best and that somebody recognized just how good my best was. That feeling is what made me review my papers one more time the night before they were due. It’s what made me figure out how to carry 21 credits and work 30 hours a week to pull my GPA back up my junior year. It’s what made me work my butt off at an investment banking internship so I could get an offer, just to prove that you didn’t have to be a finance major to do well in investment banking. Actually I got two investment banking offers – so ha!

All that to say – there are very few (if any) things I settle for in life. That goes double for men. Except, lately, along with the rampant bitchassness I’m noticing (thanks for pointing it out Diddy) I’m noticing rampant mediocrity. People are OK with being OK. When the hell did that become OK? It’s not OK. Well, that’s not exactly true – I understand that in the grand scheme of things, it’s OK to be OK. However, it’s not OK just to strive to be OK. That’s where my beef is. OK?

My annoyance started when I was having a discussion with a group about children and their activities. My old boss always said that my generation was coddled.  Um, no.These little brats coming up now are coddled. When I was little everybody didn’t get a certificate for showing up. There were no “Perfect Attendance” awards in school. Why should you get an award for doing what the hell you’re supposed to do as a child – show up to school. You don’t have to work, you don’t have to pay bills. You go to school and you learn. You’re SUPPOSED to do it. You don’t get a hero cookie for that sh*t. I didn’t get paid for getting good grades. That’s what the eff I was supposed to do! These kids now want a reward for everything. My piano student told me she’d practice if I gave her extra stickers. No sweetie, you’re supposed to practice. I don’t give extra stickers for that. I tell you good job and keep it moving.

I have further noticed the rampant mediocrity (and bitchassness) while dating. Both from guys on the online site and that I’ve met in person. I can’t tell you how many of them are like “I’m a good guy, I take care of my kids, I have a job.” Ummmm you’re an adult, it’s what the f*ck (pardon my French) you’re supposed to do. If you have a kid, it’s your job to take care of them. If you’re adult you’re supposed to have a job and an income and to be able to pay your bills on time. It’s part of being an adult. You don’t get a hero cookie for that sh*t.

And you definitely don’t get my cookies for it.

Sir, if the best thing that you’ve got going for yourself is that you’re doing what the eff you’re supposed to be doing, I’m not the girl for you. It may sound stuck up, high maintenance or whatever, other term you want to say. But, I really don’t care. I don’t settle. Not in school. Not at work. And certainly not in men. I need you to bring more to the table than the fact that you hold down a job (I got my own), have a house/apartment (I got my own) and take care of your kids (I don’t have my own, but if I did, I’d do it).

What are you doing to advance your career? Do you have goals in life (and wanting to play in the NBA or NFL doesn’t count, and if you’re over 30 neither does being a rapper)? What plans are you making for the future? Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Do you give back to the community? How? What makes you above average? At the end of the day I’m looking for an above average man because I know that I bring above average-ness to my half of the relationship. And I don’t want my relationship to be average. I want it to be the best. I will put in work for it to be the best – but I want it to be the best that it can be.

I want my man to recognize that I put in work. And, in turn, I’ll recognize that he puts in work too.

So, dear readers, what do you think? Is my rant warranted? Or am I just being a high maintenance, stuck-up snob? It’s OK, you can tell me. And, do you know any single, above average men you could hook me up with? I got five official dates down and I still have seven (ughhh) to go! But no really. Am I just being to hard on the men out there? And the kids? You know the drill!

Signed,
I’m Definitely Not Last Barbie

~ by countryclubbarbie on May 13, 2009.