Potent Quotables
Every now and then I think everyone needs a good funny in their life. I have e-mail folders full of them. Hilarious e-mail exchanges between Esquire, D-Magic, Tiffany & Co., Lex Luther, Showtime at the Apollo (SATA), Jake and yours truly . . . really bad resume submissions . . . funTy facebook status’ and comments . . . you name it, I’ve got it. I’ve been saving them for a rainy day. Well, it’s not raining, but it’s time that I stopped being so selfish and shared them with you. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll agree with me that these are some of the dumbest smart people you’ll ever encounter in life.
Dumb Smart Person’s (DSP) Facebook Status: DSP is grindin while your sleepin.
Someone’s comment to DSP’s status: You’re in law school now. Learn the difference between you’re and your. Grind on grammar lol.
Esquire: What is the attire for your party? Let me know. Thanks.
DSP: Sheek. Cats have jackets. VERY VERY classy.
CCB: Recently, a colleague of mine met and collected a business card from a prospect with an unfortunate name: Richard Butt. Juvenile, but funny none the less.
S. Dot, Jr.: He’s the smartest dumbest person I know.
CCB: Do you always say Esquire after your name?
Esquire: You know I’m so boss-o Esquire and things….
CCB (about a guy): Mmmmmmmm . . . the plot thickens.
D-Magic: No, unfortunately that’s where the plot ends.
CCB: Long story short, Ken has decided it’s time for us to go our separate ways. So, just give me a couple of days to digest der gotchen and then I’ll be back with the Euro gotcha.
Esquire: I’m available to do a drive by if you want to roll by Ken’s house…. Just say the word. Oooh, and can we wear those white masks like they did on Set It Off????!
Esquire (encouraging CCB to be cunty with Ken): Maybe we won’t be bitter, but you need to cuss him out one good time. I think the inner-Esquire that lives in all of us wants you to do that. We’ll all feel a little bit better.
CCB: Can I give D-Magic a demerit for the sappy sh*t. Maybe you forgot who you were e-mailing.
Esquire: Well she threw in a few non-sappy quotes too… Maybe half a demerit.
Tiffany & Co (in regards to a DSP’s resume and cover letter): Overall, I would say that it was a hot mess.
CCB: So, did you find out what’s up with Jake? He’s got a serious dandruff problem (he’s flakey, lol).
Esquire: Did that boy really say “estranged” on the Nerd Phi Nerd e-group?!??! I may have to send him an email, reminiscent of the one that CCB sent to DSP, to let him know that he’s an idiot.
DSP: I am looking to see if anyone is still in need of housing in DC. I was just hired by Obama campaign and I have to immediately move to Michigan next week.
D-Magic: Does this mean Obama is going to lose now???
D-Magic: She probably looked like Country Club Barbie.
Esquire: Oh I like that. Can it be spelled “Kountry Klub Barbie?”
CCB: No, it kan’t.
SATA: I just read [the] email. I’m inspired. U think they would pick me [to be a mentor] since I don’t know anybody?
Lex Luther: Unless they’re holding “how to be an a**hole in 30 days” classes, none of us need apply.
D-Magic: Sooooo my office is like a skeleton this morning [Halloween], and its killing me! If anyone has any gotchas to provide, it would be greatly appreciated lol. I need something to keep me up so the kiddies who are coming trick or treating this afternoon do not find me passed out at my desk and try to pilfer all of my goodies at once lol
Esquire: I’m dressed up as Jake. I wore a krimson sweater with 10 diamonds on it.
SATA: Do you have a drink in your hand???
CCB: I could use a good cuddle. You know what The Womanizer is good for? A Man Hug.
D-Magic: Ummmm not acceptable… no calling folks for cuddling and hugs
CCB: I’m sure his [girlfriend] wouldn’t appreciate him cuddling me, but it’s just a hug. I need a MAN hug.
D-Magic: No
CCB: You’re going to stop all this tough love. You really are. It’s making me sad, lol. Well, who can I get one from?
D-Magic: Me.
CCB: You give girl hugs. I need a man hug.
D-Magic: I sound like a man sometimes when my voice is hoarse
CCB: . . . please see the email titled “Look at my facebook wall. . .” sent at 1:30 pm on Friday September 28, 2007
Esquire: I know you did not do a cross-reference to a previous tomfoolery email!! I LOVE IT!! I love when nerds meet tomfoolery, it’s the best thing since payday.
CCB: By the by, B is having issues with this one particular system and his customer service person is called Voldy. HA HA HA! And he’s extremely un-helpful. Add him to our list of sucky Voldys.
D-Magic: funTy.. that has to be a post…
CCB: I mean, if I post this on my blog (b/c really, it’s too funny NOT to post) am I gonna look super bitter or just a little bitter? Probably super. It’ll just have to be our secret list. . . it’s just that really there is no way to hide his identity if we call it a list of sucky Voldys throughout history.
D-Magic: . . . Oh man!!!! Let me see if I can think of a way to do it without doing it… kinda like Jake!
CCB: Ummm, well when I was going to make a facebook group about Voldy I was going to call it “I hate mustangs and people who drive them” so maybe I could disguise it that way . . .
CCB: So, who else do I know on the guest list? Am I allowed to know?
Esquire: This is like the Legends Ball!!! Should I invite Dorothy Height?!?!
CCB: Ummm, I really wanted to say something cunty about her dandruff problem – but based on her response, I think maybe she used to have a legit dandruff problem
D-Magic: Yeah, I peeped that too… and I still thought, “well then don’t be a flake, and we wont call you one” lol
CCB: That is why you’re an arse! Would it be wrong of me to go “well then what would you like me to refer to your flakey tendencies as?”
So dear readers, let me know what you think. Which ones are your favorites? Which ones would you add to the list? And what’s the dumbest smart thing you’ve ever said?
Signed,
I Needed a Good Laugh Barbie
Leave a Reply