I’m Still a Rockstar

“And guess what / I’m having more fun / And now that we’re done / I’m gonna show you tonight / I’m alright, I’m just fine / AND
YOU’RE A TOOL / So / So what? / I am a rock star / I got my rock moves / And I don’t want you tonight” – Pink, “So What”

Side note: It appears, ladies and gentlemen, that I may not have been chopped or screwed.  You know I’ll keep you posted with the gotcha!’

For better or for worse, I’ve become the break-up guru to some of my friends.  I had dinner the other week with my old roommate.  She recently got married and I spent a lot of time helping her with her wedding plans.  In fact, we were in the thick of plans when Ken and I broke up.  Imagine the total disaster that could have turned into!  Fortunately, it didn’t and I actually found a lot of peace in helping my sister-girlfriend out.  Watching her prepare for her wedding and marriage reminded me that we all go through break-ups.  It’s a part of life.  And, like my man Yeeze says, “that that that that that don’t kill me / can only make me stronger.” Over dinner, my roomie asked me if I had talked to Ken since our dinner a couple months ago.  And, I actually laughed, and told her that I haven’t had the urge to.  I realize that he doesn’t have any urge to call me.  If he did, he could; my number hasn’t changed. And he hasn’t.  So why should I waste my time worrying about him or wanting to call him or, well, acknowledging his existence.

At that, she made the comment that between the two of us we could write a break-up survival guide (ain’t that the truth!).  And, she wanted to know, what I did to work on getting over it.  And, as I look back over the past six months (because next week will be six months – and no, I’m not so far removed from the situation that I’ve stopped counting) I realize that I’ve made it pretty darn far. Between you and me, if you would have asked me six months ago if I thought I’d be at this point, I’d have told you “No.”  In fact, six months ago, I probably would have sworn I’d be dead from heartache.  But alas, I’m not.  I’m here, alive and kickin’. And, in case there might be some other poor heartbroken soul out there, wondering if you’ll get through this, I’m here to reassure you that, yes, you will get through this.

I know that everyone heals in their own time, in their own way, but I thought I’d share some of the stuff that I did to get to this point now.  And, share where I hope to be in the next six months.  Even if you haven’t recently broken up with someone, some of the steps I took to heal are quite funny.  Quite funny indeed.  My roomie enjoyed my ridiculous (and sometimes heartfelt stories) . . . what do you think?  (Disclaimer: Some of these things you probably shouldn’t do; but they make a good story)

I went on a . . . 60 Day He-Tox
This one wasn’t my idea (I’d never inflict this kind of pain on myself).  I got this from my break-up bible.  The concept is the same as detoxing for a diet, or from smoking or alcohol.  You’ve got to cut out the junk.  For me, the junk was Ken.  What does a 60 day He-Tox include?  No phone calls, no e-mails, no facebook messages, no wall posts, no instant messaging . . . no NOTHING!  I deleted his number out of my cell phone and deleted his e-mail address from my address book and even got rid of his mailing address (and his mother’s).  I didn’t have anTy contact with him for 60 days.  That is tough – so I got sponsors.  They were my friends. I called them instead of him.  I e-mailed them funny stories or sports links or anything I normally would have sent to him.  And my brother, well, he was my enforcer.  At the beginning he would have to take my phone from me and lock it in his room.  The withdrawls are very, very real – or maybe, I’m very, very dramatic. The point of the He-Tox is that for 60 days you get to concentrate on yourself.  Who cares how he feels?  It doesn’t matter how bad he’s doing.  You get to focus on pulling yourself out of the funk.  And you’ve got people who love you there every step of the way.

I pulled a . . . Carrie Bradshaw
SPOILER ALERT: If you’ve seen Sex and the City (SATC): The Movie, then you’ll remember that after Big left Carrie at the alter she went to the salon and dyed her trademark blond locks brunette.  She went dark.  Now, for Carrie, it represented something really deep.  It represented the incredibly dark turn that her life had taken.  For me . . . not so much.  I just needed a change.  I wanted to wash Ken out of my system, and so he washed away with my old hair color.  About four and a half months later I cut my hair.  I walked into the salon and said “cut it off.” I wanted a fresh start and something new.  It represented the turning point in my grieving process.  I was getting tired of grieving and feeling bad.  I decided to drop the weight I’d been carrying around.  Cutting off my hair was symbolic of that.  LOVES IT!

I cried . . . . and cried . . . . and cried
I believe in a good cry. Especially after a break-up.  So when Ken left Barbie, I cried.  Sometimes to myself.  Sometimes to my friends.  In the shower.  In the car.  In my mom’s lap.  On my dad’s shoulder.  In C-Murders arms.  It was so bad, that at one point, I had to schedule crying time just so I could make it through the day. I kid you not.  From 7:30 to 8:30 pm I would cry.  And I’d hold it together for the rest of the day.  Sometimes it’s what it took for me to get through the day.  And, eventually crying got old . . . actually it got pretty old pretty quickly.  And, because I’d spent all that time crying, when it came time for me to face the facts and reality of the situation I was ready.  I was able to think about the relationship and its demise with a clear head, unemotionally.  I could evaluate the situation without getting teary eyed.  And, I could tell other people about it.  Now that’s progress.

I got my DJ on
Check my iTunes – I’ve got lots of fun playlists.  “Maneater.” “Womanizer.”  They’ve got everything from break-up anthems to screw you anthems. I even got my brother in on the act.  He made me the best three CD mix you’ve ever heard in your life.  It is seriously the best four and a half hours of music you’ve ever heard.  My new favorite is Pink’s “So What.” We all know Pink can write a good break-up anthem (“Just Like a Pill,” anyone?).  And I listened to my mixes . . . and I danced . . . and I jogged . . . and I worked . . . and I wrote and I did whatever I wanted to with my music on.

I started writing again
Barbie’s Dream House was born.  You’re Welcome.

I kept inventory
I’m a big deadlines and milestones type of person – it’s the type A in me.  If I’m working on a project at work I like to cross things off of my to-do list.  It means I’m making progress.  Life is no different.  I always like to know I’m making progress. So, I kept milestones.  They could be dumb milestones – I went one day without saying his name or I went a whole week without accidentally typing his e-mail address when forwarding a funny story.  Anything to show I was making progress.  And slowly, one day turned into a week.  A week turned into a month.  And so on and so forth.  And now, looking back six months I can see I’ve made progress.  I’m even ready to start dating for real, for real (see: Chopped and Screwed).  Imagine where I’ll be (or you’ll be) in another six months!

Now, where do I hope to be in the next six months?  I’m not sure exactly, but I do know a few things I hope I won’t be doing anymore . . . .

I will NOT keep track of how long it’s been since we broke up (5 months, 23 days, 11 hours and 28 minutes – but who’s counting?).

I will NOT avoid the movies that we watched together for fear that I’ll become emotional (Spider-Man 3, Transformers, Pirate’s of the Caribbean: At World’s End, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, 300, Ratatoulle, American Gangster, Blades of Glory, Ocean’s Thirteen, The Bucket List, Disturbia, No Country for Old Men . . . You get the point, we liked movies).

I will NOT root against the Los Angeles Lakers or Dallas Cowboys just because they are his favorite teams (Kobe I’m coming back to you baby!).  I WILL root against the Cowboys because they suck.

I will NOT have gut checks with D-Magic twice a month.

I will NOT boycott iPhones, PS3’s or Mustangs because he owns them.  I MAY still have the urge to kick the tires on a Mustang if I see one in a parking lot.  Hey, old habits die hard.

I WILL be better, stronger, and wiser from this experience.

So, dear readers, what lessons have you learned from a break-up?  What did you do to get through it?  And, most importantly, where do you hope to be in six months?

Signed,

I Still Think You’re a Tool Barbie

P.S.  This post is so long that it should count as two.  What do you think?  D-Magic?

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~ by countryclubbarbie on November 19, 2008.