Swagmatics

“Mr. West is in the building / swagger on a hundred thousand, trillion / Ayo I know I got it first / I’m Christopher Columbus, y’all just the pilgrims” – Kanye West, “Swagger Like Us”

I have a type.  I definitely have a type.  And, for the most part, I stick to dating that type.  My high school sweetheart was my type.  Platonic Boyfriend Number One (PB #1)– we’ll call him, Jerrell Who’s Fine as Hell – is my type.  The guys I dated in college were, for the most part, my type.  And Ken, well, he epitomized my type. What is my type?  Well that tid bit of information is neither here nor there but I will say that I melt for a great smile and “swagger on a hundred thousand, trillion.”

(Side note: Swagger is defined as “moving with confidence, sophistication and being cool . . . conducting yourself in a way that would automatically earn respect.”)

For the most part – for better of worse – I stay pretty true to my type.  When I’m out with my girls, the guys who turn my head are the ones described above.  In fact, it’s so bad that now when I point out a man who “gives me what I need” my friends usually respond by saying “Typical.”  Lately, I’ve made it my mission to try to date against type; to check out men who I normally wouldn’t glance at a second time.  And you know what?  I’ve discovered a whole new world of men out there, complete with men of different heights, weights and hair styles (after, there are some things a girl can’t deal with and a yuck mouth is high on my list of deal breakers).  Even the man I’m currently crushing on, LeMichael / 9.5, is not traditionally my type.

I even went so far as to tell the waiter at The Diner (so NOT my type) that I thought he was “really, really attractive.”  At this he patted me on the shoulder, said “thanks sweetheart,” and then turned to wait on the table next to us.  C-Murder congratulated me on my boldness and D-Magic turned to me and said, with the most serious look ever, “He didn’t have enough swag for you anyway.  You’d walk all over him.” I took this comment for what it was and kept it moving.  In fact, I probably wouldn’t even remember this comment except that, exactly two nights later, I had a very similar conversation with PB #2 – we’ll call him Denny.  Denny and I met up for dinTer and then went back to my condo to chill (stop making that face D-Magic, it wasn’t even like that).  Immediately upon stepping over the threshold he demanded to “see a picture of that loser,” which I took to mean Ken.  After searching for some time (I hid those pictures good, ya’ll) I fished out a picture of me and Ken during happier times to show Denny.  He stared at the picture for exactly six seconds before announcing that I was settling and that Ken didn’t have “the amount of swagger” I needed in my life.

Now, we’ll take everything Denny says with a grain of salt because he and I have a long and, err,  complex history. BUT, Denny and D-Magic had me thinking, “What amount of swagger do I really require of the men in my life?”  And it got me thinking about all of my exes, the people I’ve dated, the people I’ve been attracted to and what they all had in common.  And, it all goes back to that Kanye quote, “SWAGGER ON A HUNDRED THOUSAND, TRILLION.” They ALL had swag out of this world.  Most of them (with the exception of Ken) could even be classified as downright cocky – and even Ken pushed it at times.  On a scale of 1-10 I’d rate ALL of them a 7.5 or higher.

My rankings are based on a number of positive and negative factors (in no particular order) including but not limited to: physical appearance, profession, smile, sense of humor, intellect, confidence, hobbies/interests, kids and swag.  And I will tell you, that swagger will take a 5 to a 7 in zero seconds flat. And, well, lack of swagger will take a 10 to a 2 in even less time.  And, I think the biggest factor in how I initially feel towards a man is his swag.  A man with swag will have me smitten in seconds.  I like a man who challenges me to be the best version of me, makes me work for what I want and always leaves me wanting more. I want a man who is confident (OK, you got me, borderline cocky), secure and KNOWS how to carry it.  Let’s face it, I want a man whose swagger is “a hundred thousand, trillion.”  Is that too much to ask?

Well, my dear readers, you tell me.

Is this Barbie being shallow for wanting a man who ranks high on the swagmeter?  Should I give a second look to a guy who’s swag is a 4 but evens out to a 6 in all other categories?  Do you agree with CCB’s swagmatics – or is it just downright wrong rate guys at all (I know it’s kind of wrong).  What’s the one factor, above all that you girls (or guys) think is swoon worthy?  What factors make-up your personal swagmatics?

Signed,
Addicted to Swag Barbie

~ by countryclubbarbie on September 3, 2008.